Girl In A Room

Hitch-hiking is for lizards. That's 'cuz they get squashed and dead so they don't have to get to where they're going no more. I never hitch-hike unless I absolutely have to. Damn it, today I had to. And I even own a car now.

But the car dealer won't deliver my car. I have to go pick it up. The first thing I did when I got back was I bought me a car. I'm a changed woman. I take care of myself so I had to get a car. Can't live in a trailer park without a trailer or a car. My new trailer's in, and now I got me a new car. Except I still hadn't seen Jesse yet and I've been back for three weeks now.

So today, I vowed I would go see Jesse, 'cuz they told me at the car dealer my car would be ready today. I waited and waited for them to deliver it like they said they would. But after the whole morning, they're a no show. Dean let me use his phone and then they told me they never promised to deliver the car to me. I have to go pick it up. They don't deliver used cars - that's what I bought. And besides, they haven't got the damn car ready for today so I shouldn't bother coming to pick it up.

I was mad. But I am a new woman now and I stick to my plans. I planned to see Jesse today so that's what I did instead. Thing is, no one could give me a lift to see Jesse so I had to hitch-hike into town and take the bus to the jail.

This guy picked me up just outside the park. It's weird. I know this was the kind of guy I usually try to cozy up to. He's a good looker, rugged and confident, wearing cowboy gear and smoking. He was hot. But the new me, she just wasn't interested. Not that I don't like sex no more, but I don't want to be a slut no more, and I gotta take care of myself.

So there we were in the car and we were quiet most of the time. What the hell do people talk about when they're not trying to get into sex with each other? I wonder if I was turned off because he told me he had eight kids with three different women. Gee, now that I think about it, that actually turns me on. But nah, in the car at the time, I was just kinda grossed out and thought, Ew, I don't wanna get involved in that whole mess. I don't want to have his baby, or anyone's.

Here's a lesson for guys trying to get a girl in the sack. Never give her the idea she could have your baby right away. You just met for chrissake.

I finally made it to the jail. Don't get me wrong. Jesse is my son, isn't he? I'm not blind, am I? And I am certainly not crazy.

So I asked for Jesse at the gate and they let me in. I went to Jesse's cell and there was this girl there, with stringy bleached blond hair, looking about 14, doing her nails. A short little thing, she ain't no Jesse. I went, "Jesse?"

She went, "Yes?"

"Jesse?"

"What?"

"You're not Jesse. What the hell happened to my Jesse?"

"I am so Jessie. Who the fuck are you?"

"You're not Jesse. Jesse is a guy."

"I am Jessie. You can see I'm no fucking guy."

"Where's the guy who used to be here?"

"How the hell should I know, bitch?"

"Don't use that language with me, missy."

"You come barging in here and tell me I'm a guy and I can't call you bitch, bitch?"

"Yeah, I'm telling you that."

Then the guard came up 'cause we were too loud.

"What happened to Jesse Batten? My son? This little bitch here is not my son."

"I'm Jessie and darn right I am not your fucking son, you fucking moron."

Oh she's a fiesty one, this little tart, swears like a sailor. I wanted to pull her hair out. But I stopped myself. I am above that now. This is the new me. So I said,

"Look, you little twerp, I'm not talking to you. Thank god we're not related, because if I was your mother, I'd smack you good."

"C'mon you cunt, let's duke it out, right? C'mon." She jumped up and held up her fists, made like she was going into the boxing rink with me.

The guard separated us. But he didn't have to. I wasn't going to fight a little kid. I got pride you know. But man, she's a lively one, I'll give her that.

The guard took me to the office to sort things out. Well, I just can't believe what happens when you go away for a few months. Turns out Jesse was sentenced and let go. He had to spend six months in jail for mischief, but he'd already served that time waiting for his trial so when the sentence was made, he was already done. They let him go last month. But where'd he go? The guard and the superintendent hadn't a clue. They said he was 17, no longer a minor, so they let him go. They just thought he went home.

And Ogden? Same thing. He's gone too.

Well fuck me. Now my son is missing. I kicked up a fuss. They lost my son. He may not be a minor, but he's still not 18 so he's not an adult either. Who'd they hand him over to? They said there were people waiting for him and he knew them. Who the hell does he know? Must've been Og.

Then the superintendent pulled me aside and said the damnest thing. He said, "You know that girl in the cell? Her name is Jessica. She's been on the street since she was 14. 16 now. Got picked up for prostitution last month. She's still here because no one came for her. She has nowhere to go. Look at her. She can pass for 12. She sounds tough, but she's just a scared little kid, sweet when she's not fighting. The amazing thing is, we don't know how she survived two years on the street. She doesn't have a pimp. She's too old for child services, but too young to be on her own. We have to release her today. They're doing that right now, discharging her. Can't give her free room and board forever. Maybe you want to get to know her a bit, help her when she gets out. You know, do the good Samaritan thing."

Too much. That's just too much. No fucking way. I told him so. I came for my son. They gone and lost him. I'm not walking away with some replacement kid. Not even the right sex or right age or anything. And such a foul-mouthed little bitch at that.

So I went to the washroom and got myself together and left. I hadn't really figured out how to get back to the park but I knew I had to take the bus back into the city first. So I was walking and I pass all the prison fences and at the end, there was bench where you wait for the bus. There was a young girl there, with her back to me. But I could tell she was crying, like she's lost her mom or something. I got closer and that girl turned out to be that Jessie punk. She had mascara running down her face. She looked scary and scared.

She turned and saw me and quickly muzzled her tears trying to look tough. You can't help feeling sorry for her, even if you are disgusted at the same time. I got next to her and looked down at her. She's like a stray kitten needing a home.

"Scram bitch, I got here first," said Jessie.

"Shut up." I sat down at the other end of the bench. "Where're your folks? Why aren't they here to get you?"

"None of your business."

"Where you headed?"

"None of your business."

I looked her straight in the eye. "They told me in the prison you're alone. Where's your family?"

I could see tears were welling up in her eyes. She didn't answer.

I sighed with frustration. Someone give the girl a bath. So I said, "Look, you're too young to be living on the street. Someone should be looking after you and let you be a regular teenager. Where's your home? I'll take you back."

"Don't have one," she whispered. Well, she really is just a scared little thing. It bothered me that she's alone. She may be bitchy, but she's young, too young to be on her own.

The sky started to go dark and it started spitting. Great, now it's going to rain and I don't have an umbrella. The stupid bus was nowhere in sight.

"But you're waiting for a bus to go somewhere. Where you going to sleep tonight?" I asked.

"Don't know." She was just staring into space in front of her. "Don't want to talk about it."

So we just sat there quiet, getting cold and getting spat at by the rain. Seriously, I considered asking her to come home with me, I just felt so sorry for her. If she asked to come home with me, I probably would've said yes even though I don't want to look after her. Finally, the bus showed up just as the sky cracked open with thunder and poured out buckets on us.