No Place Like Home

It took the next day before the shit stench went away. In the morning, I realized Jesse hadn't come home, again.

I tidied myself up best I could. It's a real nuisance not having your own trailer. I had to use the sinks at the vault toilet for all my washing. No privacy. Good thing they had a couple of showers in the park though. But you gotta put coins in them to get the water.

I couldn't cook like a normal person in a kitchen either. I had to use a rickety old propane stove on the picnic table. I got two of these wobbly things. When it's windy, I have to put the stoves on the ground and bent over them to cook. Sometimes a neighbour lets me use their BBQ stove if we're cooking the same time. But I still gotta haul the dishes to the vault toilet to wash after. Sometimes, it's just easier with paper plates. Depends on what I'm cooking. Like if I do a couple tins of soup, you can't eat nothing that's too wet off a paper anything.

It's bad when it rains. I got no where to go but inside the tent. All's I could do is lie there on the blankets. It's boring in there staring at the top of the tent. You can't really stand up to stretch or nothing. But I'm getting used to the tent. It's supposed to be a six-man tent. I can't see that. Me and Jesse barely fit in.

I sure made a mistake with Mick. What can I say? He was no good. He's not like Gordie or the others. Gordie and especially Jack, really spoiled me. Gordie was a real gentleman. Neither his wife, his girlfriend, or none of his friends knew about us. He never breathed a word to no one. Sometimes, we barely talked. When we finished, sometimes he fixed little things inside the trailer for me. We were together for almost two years, except when Mitch came home. When Gordie moved out of the park, no one even thought we knew each other.

Jack was this young fella I met in the pub in Widdle Lake. Real charming and smooth talking. So good looking 'cause he did construction work. Came to do some road work in town a couple of summers ago. He shared a house with a bunch of guys. Sometimes he came to the park to see me, sometimes I went to his house. He didn't know anyone else in the park. The first time he came, he told the gate I was his godmother so no one suspected nothing. The guys in his house never even notice when I was there or not.

One time Jack was here and the trailer died. I couldn't drive it out of the park. The engine wouldn't kick in. But Jack fixed it. Took him over an hour to make the trailer run. Turned out I ran out of gas and didn't know it. Completely out, not a drop left. So he got in his car, brought back some gas in a plastic tank, and poured in it my trailer tank. Then he cleaned and tightened my engine to make sure it was good. Always doing stuff like that. Sometimes he even fixed little things for my neighbours. He was a real prince. Not like Mick.

You get spoiled when you're used to having good boyfriends.

I shoulda known and stopped relations with Mick when I found out he was married. He told me he wasn't. I found out he was when his wife phoned him on the cell right while we were doing it. But I reasoned, that's okay. I've had married, I'm married myself, so we're even.

As I'm ruminating this, the little Stinson girl, Leanne, from the next site wondered over. She must've known I'm putting something together for her family. She's a sweet little blond thing, maybe four or five, real tall for her age. But you know she's not older 'cause she's immature and shy like. She don't talk much. She's skinny and unwashed. Wears the same torn clothes almost everyday. Maybe more like her mom changes her from one rag to another. I may have lost my trailer and I got no transportation now, but I got clothes on my back, and most else of what I need.

Mitch wanted us to save up a house. That's why we were living in a trailer. The trailer used to belong to his parents. It's their old one. We used to live in the folks' basement. But when they retired, they sold their house and we had to find some place else to live. They bought a real fancy recreational vehicle and gave us their old trailer. Now they travel all over the country and stay in different parks. Kind of moving with the weather. Mitch figured if they could do it, so could we. That way, we save money and buy our own house earlier. At the time, it made sense. Mitch had no money and no real job and we already had Jesse. It was a real cheap way to live. Then Mitch joined the Army. The pay wasn't great, but it was better than nothing. Only, it's been ten years now. And Mitch is still a private. He's never been home long enough so we never got around to buying a house either. We've been in this park six years.

Mitch comes home every six months or so. I never had a phone in the trailer so Mitch writes to me. He don't say much ever. Just regular stuff like - I'm doing okay, hope you're okay, keep an eye on that Jesse 'cause he's sure growing fast, say hi to everyone - that kind of stuff. When he comes home, sometimes he just shows up without warning. He stays for two to four weeks, then he goes off again. He hasn't been back for over a year on account of being in Iraq. But I'm expecting him home, next month in fact.

Yeah, despite my owning nothing, I still have a husband and son. We have money in the bank too. I don't know how much. None of it is in my name. It's all in Mitch's name. It's not like I can go and take a chunk out and buy a new trailer. Mitch set up an account for me and puts my monthly allowance in there. It's not much, but at least I got something to live on even though I don't have the trailer any more. I'm real frugal, you know. I spend mostly on Jesse, food and beer. Once in a while, I buy a bottle of whisky and sometimes a case of those lady-like cooler drinks. I wish I had more money though, because at the end of the month, I don't have anything left. Sometimes I run out before the end of the month.

Now Leanne and her family - they really got nothing. True, they have their trailer. But it's an old rusty one. It hitches to their car, but I've never seen them drive their car. They never go anywhere. I don't know what Leanne's parents do, Liz and Kieran. They're always home, either inside the trailer or sitting out reading. I think they're reading the Bible. I seen it lying on their trailer step once. But they've been reading it like forever and they're still not done. If it's so hard to get through, they should just go on to something else. I never hear them talk. I never seen them play with the little girl. I never hear her laugh. She's a kid. She's supposed to run around and laugh. Liz is pregnant with another baby. She's due any minute now.

I got a ride into town with Daisy earlier in the week and bought what Jesse and I needed. I also got some extra food and some baby stuff. I just feel so sorry for Leanne and her folks. They're a young family. Maybe he's not so young. He could be over 40 but I can't tell on account of him being so mopey all the time. But she's definitely young. She could be 25, not over 30 anyway. But the whole bunch of them looks malnurished. With another baby on the way, Liz looks too skinny and sickly all the time. It's like they really need someone competent to take care of them. Too bad they're none too friendly. They don't socialize with others much. But they're not rude or bothersome either. They're just there, meek like. Once in a while when I remember to, I pack a box of food stuff for them. It's not much. I just buy more of the stuff I buy for myself and give them that. This time, there's baby stuff in the box too. I think Mrs. Miller also gives them something sometimes.

Leanne stood beside me now.

"Hey sugar. Your folks up yet?"

She shook her head.

"You want some breakfast?"

She nodded.

I took a piece of bread out of my own box and put jam on it. I sprinkled some Fruit Loops on top. And I poured her a mug of C-Plus from my can. It's got real orange juice in it. Leanne took the bread and mug from me gently and walked over to the rock where she sat down. She nibbled gingerly on the bread and sipped the drink. Even though she still has sleep in her eyes and her hair's all matted, she looks real sweet sitting there. Reminds me of Little Miss Muffet sitting on her tuffet. What's a tuffet anyway?

Leanne smiles at me now that she's had food. She said, "My dad's crying."

"Why's your dad crying, dear?"

She shrugged.

"Is he sick?"

She shrugged again. She took a deep breath and said, "He cries every morning."

"Is your mom okay?"

She shrugged again and made a "don't know" face. Then she said, "Mommy told me to go outside."

"Know what, honey, I got a box for your family. Maybe we can take it over and cheer them up."

She nodded and stood up. I picked up their box and we set off together.

"Honey, you go first and tell your folks I'm here. Ask them where they want me to leave the box."

Leanne skipped ahead, calling, "Mommy, mommy, Mindy's got a box. Where does she put it?"

She went inside the trailer. A few moments later, Liz came out with Leanne. Liz's eyes was red. She looked awful. She wiped her face with her sleeve.

"Hey honey, you okay?" I said.

"Yeah thanks, Mindy," she said in a croaky voice still sore from crying.

"This is for you." I set the box on their card table.

Liz hung her head and said in a small voice, "Thanks so much, you and everyone in the park."

But you know what? Their card table toppled over just then when she said that, spilling everything in the box out on the grass. We turned in a hurry to pick up the stuff, but as we bent down at the same time, my head banged Liz's head and we both stumbled back. I made a grab for Liz. She has problem with balance now she's so big. But she fell down anyway. I didn't think I knocked her that hard.

She sat on the grass, took a deep breath, and burst into tears.

"I'm sorry, you hurt? Tell me you're not hurt. Gosh, I'm so sorry. That was an accident, you know," I said.

She shook her head and wiped her face with her sleeve again. "I'm okay," she sniffed. "It's just been so hard. Sometimes, I wish we hadn't have left home."

"Where's home?"

"Hollyhock Boulder."

"Hollyhock? Mormon country?"

"Menonite."

"Sorry."

We looked at each other. I didn't know what else to say. So I gave her my hand to help her up.

"You got family there?" I said.

She nodded. "Yes, but we were cut off from them when we left. They're not allowed to see us."

"Who doesn't allow them?"

"The town elders."

"Why'd you leave?"

"Oh...we fell in love."

"And the problem?"

"Kieran was already married."

"That was a problem?"

She looked at me, puzzled. "Kieran is a very religious man."

I guess that was a problem for her. I said, "You want to go back?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I wish we could. But we wouldn't be let back. I wish we just lived a normal life, without all the baggage. I wish we didn't have to rely on handouts. I wish Kieran wasn't so proud and stunned all the time. I wish we were happy."

Jesus, there are such sad people in the world, just sitting around wishing for things. Know what I wish right now? I wish Mick would go to hell, Jesse would come home, and Leanne and her folks got cleaned up before their new baby gets born.