Oh. My. God.

Joel Woodsinger died. He died before they made it to the hospital.

Jesse and Ogden were taken into custody. No family came to claim Ogden. Said he had none. The police fetched me for Jesse. But I can't afford Jesse's bail so he still has to stay in jail. In fact, I need to get a lawyer for him. He's charged with mischief and willful destruction of property. He may even be charged with murder. The cops are still looking into that one. Shit, shit, shit. Why're all these things happening to me? Too much shit in my life right now. I'm freaking out.

For starters, I'm living in a fucking tent.

And they moved Jesse to the county jail an hour away, where real criminals are kept. Jesse's not a criminal, he's just a boy. At least Ogden's gone with him. Except Ogden's bad influence. I can visit Jesse any time, but I don't have a car. I have to bum rides with people all the time.

It really burns me up that Mick's been banging Vivian the same time he was seeing me. It's real insulting. Who else was he seeing? God, I'm so disgusted. But somehow I'm just not surprised by what he does no more. I don't get it. What do women see in him anyway? He's greasy and he's got a fat gut. He smells of shit or disinfectant all the time. I don't know, I just don't know what I ever saw in him.

But the worst part is, I realized today I plain forgot about my period. I forgot I wasn't having it. I didn't notice till today my period hadn't come for over a month. I'm sure I'm more than a week late. I shoulda kept track on one of them calendars or something. I read in a fashion magazine once that some women put an X in the calendar on the days they get their period. That way they know when their period is coming and when they're late. Samantha, she's my best friend, says if you're stressed out, sometimes you can be late. I hope that's what it is, 'cause if it's not, I'd be having Mick's damn baby. I'm almost 40. I still got my shape but I can't be having no babies.

I try to visit Jesse as often as I can, whenever I can hitch a ride. I'm going today. Sam's taking me. They let Jesse share a cell with Ogden, on account of them not being convicted yet. And they don't have to do prison labour either. But they still make them wear those prisoner outfits. Not the striped kind you see in movies and cartoons. They're just plain blue pajamas.

You know how you don't really mind or care if you hear someone has done something they're not supposed to, but when you think they may do that something to your own kid, then you start to really mind? So when I found out they were gonna put Jesse and Ogden in the same cell, I had to get it straight with Ogden. I said to him,

"Og, what's the deal? You into boys and kids or what?"

"No, Mrs. Batten, I don't do that shit," said Odgen.

For some reason, hearing him say that made me feel better. Unless he was lying. So I said,

"So what shit do you do?"

I wanted to hear him say, I do women only. But I noticed Jesse roll his eyes and moan, like he didn't want to be in the same room with me. I see it now - he acts tough around Ogden. And all I was trying to do was protect him. The cop was really interested though. Ogden just answered, in a respectful way.

"I do dope, man, just dope. Not kids."

"What about that time you got picked up for being with some kid? What was that about?"

"Ah Jesus, that was a little kid with a big mouth, man. I was walking by and he came out of his house and demanded a smoke from me. I said, Sure man, just give me two bucks. He said no. So I said, Go in your house and get me a beer. But he wouldn't go. So I left, man. But the kid came after me, grabbed my leg and tried to grab my package of smokes. I don't know. I pushed him. Maybe I picked him up. He screamed and screamed. Some old lady called the cops on me."

I wanted to believe him, because even though he looked terrible, he still had a rugged face. He looked like he was telling the truth. The cops were gonna put them in the same cell any way, whether I believed him or not. So I just let it be. But you know, after a couple visits to the jail, Ogden grows on ya. He's tall and muscular, stoops a bit, like he dont't really want to face the world, like if you leave him be, he'll leave you be, unless you goad him, then he'd get real angry and go crazy on you. He's strong and fucked up at the same time. Walks kind of unsteady. If you pushed him, he might tilt over. Jesse said when he's stoned, he's got his feet planted firmly on the ground - you feel his anger coming before you see him.

He wears a baseball cap over his long blond hair all the time. He has stubbles every time I see him. You just have an urge to stroke his jaw and scratch an itch on your hand or something. His lips are always wet and parted, like he's looking for the next fix, something to put in his mouth. When I see him, he's usually polite, but mopey. Mostly keeps to himself when I'm with Jesse.

Today, when I got there, he and Jesse were in the yard, standing by themselves. He nodded at me and said, "Mrs. Batten," then walked away to leave me, Sam and Jesse to visit. See what I mean? He grows on you. I'm finding him kinda sexy.

Jesse's real happy to see me when I visit. I think he's happier to see me now that he's in prison than when he lived at home. Today, I brought him muffins. I told him to share them with Ogden. I told him I was going to raise money somehow to get him out of jail or to hire him a real good lawyer. He was pleased to hear that. But I had no idea how I'd the raise money.

On the way home, Sam took me to the bank. Mitch's money should have come in two days ago. Except it didn't. So Sam had to loan me money to buy a pregnancy test kit at the drugstore. The kit comes with two tests, I guess in case you want to have two kids, you don't have to buy the test again for the second pregnancy. After, we shopped for groceries. Sam treated me to fish and chips in town before coming back to the park.

We got home about 6:00 p.m. Shannon the gossip bitch came running up to us as soon as she saw me and Sam drive in through the park gate.

"Hey Mindy, where have you been? There was some guy here looking for you," she said.

"What'd he want?"

"How would I know? He came asking for you and asked when you might be back. I told him he could stay at our site till you got back. But he left."

"What'd he look like?"

"He wore a suit, older, real short hair."

"What did he say?"

"He said he'll come back."

I looked at Sam and shrugged. I had no idea who the man was or what he wanted.

"So who was that looking for you, Mindy?" said Shannon.

"Don't know."

"You in some kind of trouble again?"

"Not that I know of, Shannon. But you'll be the first to know if I am." She is such a bitch. Sam drove away with Shannon standing there smirking at me.

Soon as we got near my site, Liz came over and said,

"Hi Mindy, someone came looking for you."

"Was it a man in a suit? Shannon told me."

"That's right. He waited at your site a bit before leaving."

"Did he tell you what he wanted?"

"No. I didn't really talk to him. When he asked me if this was your site, I just said yes."

"Thanks, Liz. I don't know what it's about either."

"Okay." Liz went back to her site.

We stoppd to put some of my stuff down, took the "kit" with us, and went on to Sam's trailer. Just as we drove in, old Mr. Miller came up.

"Hi Mindy, hi Sam," he said. "Mindy, you had a gentleman caller today."

"The man in the suit?" I said. I was gettng annoyed. And I was nervous because I was holding the small drugstore bag and I didn't want Mr. MIller to know what's inside.

"That's right. You know about it already?"

"Not really. Shannon told me at the gate someone came around. Did he tell you what he wanted?" I put the kit casually in Sam's shopping bag. She carried her shopping inside the trailer.

"No, no. I didn't ask him. He came around checking at several sites to see if you were around. Just wanted to let you know he was looking for you in case you didn't, that's all."

"Thanks, Mr. Miller. I expect he'll call again."

"That's what he said. You have a good evening." Then Mr. Miller went back to his own site.

Jesus, does the whole park know someone's looking for me? Who is this man?

I went inside the trailer to get Sam. Her husband Fred was rooting through her shopping. He had taken my kit out of the drug store bag and put it on the table. Shit, I don't want him to look at it. I went up to the table and picked up the kit.

"Oh, that doesn't belong to Sam." I said, trying to sound casual and putting it back in the drugstore bag.

"It's okay, hon," said Sam to me, "I use them all the time. Fred's used to them."

"What? Used to what?" said Fred.

"Nothing," said Sam, seeing that I was uncomfortable. Bless her.

"Honey," she said to Fred, "Can you get outta here for a while. Me and Mindy got some girl things to do."

Oh god, can she make it more obvious? So I said, "But no big deal, Fred. We can do it later."

"Oh no. I know when I'm not wanted," he said. "And don't tell me what you're doing. I don't want to know."

You can tell he's a real good gas metre reader. He keeps quiet about things he sees in people's houses. He took a pack of cigarettes out of the shopping bag and went out.

Sam was more excited than me to do the pregancy test. I was just scared. She ripped opened the kit and we looked over the instructions.

"Nothing new here. It's the usual test," she said. She explained there's nothing to it. When you get in the washroom, you take the little stick of out its wrapper, pee on it, and wait a few minutes. If the window on the stick turns blue, you're pregnant. If it doesn't, you're not. The test is more accurate if you do in the morning, with your first pee. Simple right? But Sam was impatient and I was anxious to know. So we decided to do a test now, and do a second one in the morning to confirm.

I took one of the wrapped sticks into the washroom. The window in there was open and I could hear Fred outside talking to Dean Jones. Dean and his wife own the park. I reached over to close the window. But Dean saw me and said,

"Oh hello, there you are, Mindy. I was just looking for you."

Crap. "Hi Dean," I said.

"Oh no, you don't want to go bothering her right now," said Fred, laughing. "She and Sam are doing some girlie thing in there."

Crap, crap. Is everyone going to find out what I'm doing?

"Is that so?" said Dean. "What kind of girlie thing?"

Jesus. Kill me now.

"Just the usual, Dean." I said. "Why're you looking for me?"

"A man came looking for you today."

Fuck, the whole park thinks I'm a hunted woman or something.

"That the same man Shannon and the others saw?"

"I don't know about that. He looked real business like. Came in a limousine and parked it outside the gate. There was at least one other man in the car. But this one, he came out and asked for you at the gate. I told him your site number and he walked in to look for you. He came out later and said you weren't there and he'd come back another time."

"Okay, thanks Dean. I have no idea who he is or what he wants," I said.

"Alright, just wanted you to know." Then he turned back to Fred and continued talking with him.

I slid my pants down and sat on the toilet, trying not to make a lot of noise, on account of Fred and Dean being outside and the window still open. But it was hard, I unwrapped the strip, put it under me and pee on it. I'm not even finished when Fred knocked on the trailer door and called in,

"You girls done with your girlie thing yet? How about a couple of beers for me and Dean?"

Okay, forget the stupid test. I can't do it with those two outside the window, talking to me and wanting beer. I shoved the wet stick back in the wrapper, finished my pee and went back into the sitting room.

"Let's see, let's see the stick," said Sam.

"I couldn't do it," I said. "I didn't do it properly. Fred and Dean were outside talking to me. And I heard Fred knocking and wanting beer. So I just stopped." Sam looked disappointed. She said,

"Do it in the morning. It's a better time anyway."

Just then, Dean called in again, "How about those beers, Sam?"

"Okay," Sam called back out. She opened the fridge and took out two beers. She stuck them out the door to Fred. I threw the whole kit back into the drugstore bag and went outside with Sam.

Fred said, "What? You girls aren't joining us for a beer?"

And Dean said, "What you got in that bag, Mindy." He was pointing at my drugstore bag.

"Nothing," I said. "Just something I picked up in town."

"How's Jesse?" asked Dean.

"He's doing okay. He rather be home though." I can see Dean was asking just to be polite. I know he didn't like my trailer burning up in his park, and now it's my son who's in jail. I know he's not comfortable with us now. Not like before when we were all chummy, drinking together all the time, especially when Mitch was home.

Sam must've sensed the awkwardness. She chimed in, "We're gonna do a fundraiser for Jesse, right here in the park. That okay with you, Dean?"

Dean seemed a little taken aback. He said, "Well, that depends on what you do. So long as it doesn't get in the way of the other guests, I guess so." At least he didn't say no.

"Yeah, we haven't figure it all out yet," said Sam.

"What kind of things were you thinking?" said Dean.

"Don't know. Maybe a bake sale? A car wash?" said Sam.

"Yeah," I jumped in. "A car wash is good. We could do it outside the gate, so it's not just park people who can donate. Anyone can bring their car. They don't even have to come inside the park."

I waved towards the gate as I said this. The waving made me fling my drugstore bag to the grass. I rushed to pick it up. Sam was ahead of me. As she bent down to pick up the bag, I saw the kit had spilled out on the grass. The used stick had come out of the wrapper and out of the bag. A little blue square at one end of the stick was looking back up at me.

Holy, holy, fucking shit.